i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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