so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
