Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
