2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
