Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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