you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I die, sorry about rent.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
