covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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