You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
