life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
