my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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