I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
