you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
