Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
