Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think my moral compass just broke
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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