It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
