God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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