I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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