you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
