garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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