Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
