for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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