One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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