Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
