I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
