Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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