U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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