I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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