i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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