Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
