so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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