I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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