so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
