Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
