did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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