therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
