drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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