wanna go halves on a baby?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
