I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
