well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
