and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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