I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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