I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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