Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
