hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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