Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
