I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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