whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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