What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
