Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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