I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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