All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
