the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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