the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
