Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up under a house in Key West
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
