Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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