This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
