YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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