He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
