at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
