We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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