Pappa wants mamma naked
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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