I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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