I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
two words...techno handjob
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
