Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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