No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
