hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
