sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
