You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
