My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
