You're my little dorito
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize