Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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