you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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