so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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