Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
