I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
