Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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