I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
