Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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