My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Holy sore nipples Batman
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
