hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
