youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
