Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
