Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
