Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize